The Flatwoods Monster

Something is out there in those woods. It's up to a gang of small boys, one of their mothers, a dog and a cowardly US serviceman to investigate. What horrors lurk in the woods around Flatwoods, and why are all the surrounding towns all named so amusingly?

Join Linz & Chris as they go down to the woods today in search of the truth behind the mysterious entity known as the Flatwoods monster.

Transcript

The Flatwoods Monster

Hellos and how are yes

Patreon Discussion

Linz, it’s been a while…since we last hadda cryptid…but we’ve got one here to today. Yes Linz today we are peeling back the surface on…West Virgina. Famous for being almost heaven, but when this cryptid is around its almost certainly hell. So today let us open the file on the Flatwoods Monster.

Have you heard of this entity Lindsay?

So Flatwoods, West Virginia. Know much about it Linz? Well I can tell you, it’s about a mile off of exit 67 of interstate 79….*pause*…it has a population of 264…errr…The Mayor is amusingly named Dale A Ball….the town does have a website but it’s history page is ‘under construction’. Flatwoods is Linz, a quaint little town, a lovely place to live I’m sure, but it’s famous really for being home to The Flatwood Monster, sometimes called The Phantom of Flatwoods, The Braxton County Monster, Braxie…adorably, or by the town’s own website, the Green monster. So what is the Flatwoods Phantom and just what happened? 

Four boys were playing on the grounds of the Flatwoods Elementary school at 7:15pm, WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN BED DANG GARNET, sorry, 7:15 pm on the 12th of September 1952 when they suddenly saw something in the sky. The boys were the brother duo of Edward and Freddy May, and their friends Neil Nunley and Tommy Hyer or Ronnie Shaver…depending on the source. The quadrate looked up as suddenly the darkening skies became illuminated with light, something…perhaps a meteor streaked overhead and crash landed on the hillside within the property of Farmer Fisher’s land. Farmer Fisher being a rebel, refused to go into the fishing business like his daddy wanted, instead growing corn as he’d always dreamed of, but he kept the Fisher name, for his daddy’s sake. I love you PAW. The group rushed to investigate but had to pass the May boys house on the way to get there, so made a pit stop to tell the May’s mother Kathleen. Kathleen was of course intrigued, and gathered up the family dog Richie to go explore with the boys. She did have the foresight to call National Guard member Eugene Lemon to come and join them, someone who was equipped to explore the crash site…whatever was up there. So like sounding like the start of the NES game Earthbound A housewife, solider, 4 young boys and a dog ascended the mountain to explore a crash site. When they got there it was quite the site to see…Linz what are you expecting up there on this mountainside?

It was Neil Nunley who saw it first. A glowing red light, pulsing rhythmically, then the rest of the group noticed. Eugene Lemon then aimed his flashlight at the source and the group saw something out of this world. The boys later drew what they saw, would you like to see that Linz? 

Ok so it’s not the greatest depiction but there were later, slightly more artistic interpretations of what the RPG crew saw, here is the most famous picture of the beast. Please describe.

The group described what they saw as ten foot tall, with glowing orange eyes and twisted clawed hands. It wore a strange metallic robe or dress. It’s head, or possibly the hood of the clothes were described as shaped like the ace of spades. The creature seemed to levitate and moved quickly towards the group as it let out a terrifying hiss. The monster seemed to be surrounded by some kind of mist which was described as pungent and sicking, so thick that it hung in the air and had a nauseating effect on the group.

Lemon, a trained solder, screamed and dropped his flashlight… he then promptly ran away leaving a four children, a woman and a dog in his wake. No man gets left behind Linz, but women, children and animals…A-ok. The rest of the group cheesed it back home as fast as they could. Now Linz, we do have more to discuss, but this is essentially the sighting, so it has about that as much detail as The Ilkley Moore alien that you were 101% sure was just a large rock. 

Some members of the group, although I will point out that it’s difficult to ascertain exactly who, reported aftereffects of the strange mist. Supposedly several of them suffered from throat irritation, vomiting and nausea. They were diagnosed with possible mustard gas exposure, or at least exhibiting the same signs as it. Others have later speculated that it could have been PTSD or hysteria, which can cause similar effects. 

But what of the crash site…or whatever it was. Well authorities did investigate the site and found absolutely nothing unusual at all. Nada. Not a sausage. The next day, a reporter from the powerhouse newspaper The Braxton Democrat conducted his own investigation of the site and claimed to find skid marks and an odd gummy deposit in some areas. This was later taken as evidence of UFO activity by saucer enthusiasts…

Linz, what do you make of all of this so far?

But the question is did anyone else see the monster? Eeeeeh kinda.

So another sighting actually predates the famous sighting of the Flatwoods Monster, this one around 5 miles from Flatwoods near a town called Heaters. A woman called Audra Harper was walking with her friend to a shop when she took a shortcut through the forest due to bad road conditions. About half a mile into this short cut they suddenly noticed a ball of fire on a nearby hill, to which they naturally said goodness gracious…but dismissed it as fox chasing, which is apparently hunting fox without actually killing them…just traumatising them. When she next glanced over the ball of fire was extinguished and replaced with a dark figure, vaguely human but towering and intimidating. The pair legged it, terrified. This was later attributed as the first sighting of the flat woods monster.

Linz, thoughts on the original sighting?

There was one more sighting, on the 18th of September 1952, so the day after the most famous sighing described first. This one was 20 miles south of Flatwoods in a town called, and I’m not making this up, Strange Creek. George and Edith Snitowsky were driving with their 18 month old baby in the back seat when suddenly their car died. 

“I told you to take this to the garage George!”

“I did Edith!”

“You took it to your mate dodgy bob’s didn’t you?”

“No Edith”

“You did! I though it smelled like brillcream in here!”

“That’s my hair”

Anyway, while all of this was going on George was trying to restart the car, without success. Suddenly the couple smelled a foul odour, and the baby began to cry. Now this isn’t unusual when you have an 18 month old, let me tell you, they quite often emit foul smells and then wail away, but this was something else. It smelt like sulphur. Suddenly a strange light filled the air and then a strange 10 foot creature appeared in front of their car. The create this time has now ace of spades hood and it’s head was visible, supposedly being reptile like. The monster dragged it’s scales claws across the hood of the car, because it likes to be dramatic, and then vanished into the woods. 

The monster was never seen again after this incident.

Thoughts on this Linz?

So what happened? Well we do have a study into the incident to look into. This was conducted 48 years later in the year 2000 by Joe Nickell of CSI, that’s the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry to you  and I. Joe states that there was a meteor spotted over three states, Maryland, Pensylvennia and West Viiiiirgiiinniiiaaaaaa on September 12th. So this is his explanation for the light in the sky and he also states that the red pulsing light observed at the scene was due to three aircraft beacons that were in the area at the time. He states that the alien being was actually a woodland creature who we have come across before Linz….yes an owl. Specifically a barn owl, one that was  perched on a tree branch with debris underneath, the owl making up the head and torso with it’s legs appearing as arms and the debris below, possibly piled leaves, appearing to be it’s skirt. This would also explain the strange glow to the alien’s eye, as owl’s eyes of course reflect light. Here is an image that it about as close as I could find that illustrates this, Linz please describe.

To return to Joe Nickell’s report, he states that the mustard gas like nausea experienced by the group was consistent with hysteria and over exhaustion. 

Linz what do you make of this explantation. Was it truly a being that visited us for about a week in 1952, never to return…or was it a hootY boi? 

So what of the legacy of the flatwoods monster? Well, unsurprisingly, it is perhaps the most interesting thing to ever be associated with the small town of Flatwoods. Sorry to all 264 residents, I’m sure Keith’s Alignment and Mechanical Services shop just off salt lick road is lovely. But the Flatwoods monster, or the Green Monster as they like to call it, is the cause of the most traffic to the town. There are indeed signs commemorating the incident and they honour the incident at the Flatwood Days festival. In the nearby Sutton there is the Flatwoods Monster museum, it what can only be described as a slap in the face to Flatwoods and I wholeheartedly support a 264 person all out assault on Sutton to take back what is rightfully theirs, brick  by brick. Probably not brick as this is the state, but still you get my drift. There are also 5 chairs mocked up to look like the poster dotted around the Braxton county, if you take a photo in all 5 you’ll get some ‘free Braxie’ stickers, and the first listener to send one of those our way will get some goodies from us in return. 

So Linz, that was the story of the Flatwoods Monster! What are your thoughts overall?

So that’s us done for…oh wait…there’s just one more thing.

So while doing this episode I spent alot of time on maps looking at the local area and, well, some of the names of nearby towns are just, well they are frankly fantastic. I know American listeners, all our towns in the UK are called Glibblewitch central by the sea or cocksgobble but that is a very different kind of humour. Now Linz, one of this list is a ringer. Not a real town in West Virginia. You have to identify which AND I PROMISE that isn’t a lie as with the Steven Seagull movies, one is not real.

Big Bend

Ireland

Junior

Balcony

Big Otter

Erbacon (err bacon?)

Duck

Tornado 

Thanks 

Bye